Between Worlds

Hi there,

I recently read a blog post called Writing with borrowed words which I highly recommend reading. It's about a multilingual woman and the beauty of it and also the struggles it comes with. As I read I thought about the ways I could relate to this woman but also about how our journies differ. So, I thought I'd write about it, about how so often I find myself drifting between worlds.

I have been given many titles throughout my life; girl, dyslexic, Christian, Australian, Canadian, French, English, missionary kid and third culture kid to name a few. Some of these labels describe all of me. I am a girl and I am a Christian. Others only describe a part of me and who I am. Yes, I am Australian... but not fully. Yes, I am French... but not fully either. This often left me feeling like I was between worlds. Especially as a teenager, I felt like I could never fully identify with anyone. 

Canada day spent celebrating at a friend's cottage!

I believe this sense of unbelonging began when we moved from Australia to Quebec, Canada when I was 10. Before that, I'd just been Australian. My friends didn't see me as being any different than them. I was just a child. But when we moved, I had to go to a french school due to the law and I stuck out like a sore thumb. I didn't know any french when I started which was an entirely different struggle. Everyone in school knew who I was and where I had come from. My siblings and I were asked questions about Australia like "Do you ride kangaroos?" and they would ask us to say certain things with our Aussi accents that they found amusing. These were only questions from curious children and I know now they were completely innocent. But it made me feel singled out. It made me feel different. And it made me feel like an outsider. But, this happened everywhere, not just at school. My church friends were the same. It just made me feel like I wasn't like them.

Over the next four years, I learned french and made friends who were similar to me. None of us fit in perfectly with the other kids at school. Many of us spoke other languages and many of us also came from other places. There I fit in pretty well. In a sea of people who I saw as all the same, we were all a little different. This was my little island where I felt at home. I now see that it wasn't a good place to be but at the time that's where I wanted to be. 

I recently got to attend a friend's wedding at this beautiful little church!

Then, at 14 my family moved to Cambodia. This time I stuck out for an entirely new reason. I am very obviously very white. Just walking down the street everyone could see that I wasn't like everyone else. I stuck out before I even opened my mouth. But when I did I proved to a greater extent that I didn't belong. I felt like I couldn't really connect with anyone. There wasn't only a language barrier but also a cultural barrier that made it almost impossible to connect deeply with anyone. 

My time in Cambodia was a beautiful time though. I learned so much from the people and their culture. I learned so much of the world outside my own. I learned some of the language, though I wish I had taken the time to learn more. I learned many skills I doubt I would have learned if I had stayed in one place. I met some wonderful people from all over the world. I am very grateful for my time there. 

About nine months ago I left Cambodia and moved here to Canada. Once again, I had adopted a new title; Missionary kid. Because of my job as a barista, I get to meet new people each day. The question "Where are you from?" comes up almost on the daily. Even though I don't stand out physically my accent is different and people are just curious. I really don't blame them. But as soon as somebody asks one question usually a few more questions follow and I end up telling my whole life story to a stranger I'd met two minutes prior. 

A beautiful sunset after a lovely hike!

I really don't mind at this point though. I've done it all my life and I've come to the realization that I'll always be a conversation started. Because of other's curiosity, I get to have longer conversations and make different kinds of connections. Because I belong to so many different worlds I get to connect with people from all those different worlds. I've met Australian tourists here that I get to have a conversation with solely because I can relate to that part of them. I've got to have some fantastic conversation with other missionary kids solely because I can relate to that part of them. I've gotten to discuss struggles with other bilingual people solely because I can relate to that part of them. 

You see, we're all made up of many different titles and I think most people can relate to most of other people's titles too. I just happened to have a lot. When I was younger I struggled with not being able to completely relate to other's titles and with how they couldn't always relate to mine. Not many people can relate to how I lived in Asia or how I have dual citizenship. But, over time I've realized that's okay. Because I have so many titles and labels I can relate to so many more people than most can. I'll always be floating between worlds, never fully belonging anywhere in particular. But, I no longer see that as a bad thing. I now think it's pretty beautiful. I know I'll always struggle with belonging but I also know that I don't really belong here anyway. My time on earth is limited and I'm reminded of that every time God picks me up and moves me. He never lets me get too comfortable and that's okay. It reminds me that I shouldn't get too comfortable because I'm not staying for long. My mission isn't to get comfortable here. 

So, in the end, I don't really mind being in-between worlds. I've learned to see the strengths of it and understand the weaknesses. I hope this gives a little more insight into my life and upbringing. I hope through this you've gotten to know me a little better. God bless and until next time,

Darcy-Rea

Just a plane passing by