Coming Home

Hi,

My struggle with writing often is finding something I believe is meaningful. I no longer want to just state events that happened, even though I'm sure some want to hear my stories. I could easily just state the events of the past two and a half months since I have been absent from my blog. But I’m only going to tell you about one today; Re-entry and Reverse Culture Shock. The biggest thing that I have done these past few months has been moving across the globe. Here’s a quick recap of my travels of the past four and a half months to give you an idea of where I have been.

Starting in July I spent a month in Japan.

Then I was back in Cambodia for a month.

We went to Malaysia for a week and a half a week.

Once again back in Cambodia for only a week.

Next stop was Australia for two weeks.

Then Texas for another two weeks.

Then I flew up to Montreal for a week.

And finally, I have here in Cambridge, Ontario.

“I’d have to say the business of the culture. It’s very easy to get swept up in and I was very adamant about not getting swept up in it, but I did for a while. Taking intentional time to rest and evaluate what’s most important.”  

“I think I struggled a lot with how people seem to just mind their own business/ not care about smiling and being kind. Everyone speaks English, so I can understand everything always and that’s overwhelming. I cried buying deodorant because of the number of options. At home everyone missed me, so they were eager to see me and didn’t acknowledge how I was struggling/ were selfish with my time. So, remember it’s okay to set boundaries and take time to rest. You need it.” 

“Coming home for me was a lot less difficult than I expected. I was like you, I did research and tried to prepare myself. I am lucky to have a huge and supportive family, so that also made things easier for me. Having a plan, jobs and school in line also helped. But as for emotionally/ mentally, you’re really going to have to fight to make time for things that just came naturally on the field like deep conversations, time with the Lord, worship, study, everything.” 

“I know for myself the hardest part has been the casual conversation. When people talk, and I share memories from the mission field because they said something that reminded me of it they aren’t so interested. So, it’s been something I needed to learn, not everyone wanted to know about my past year because they didn’t do it themselves and never would.” 

“I honestly don’t think anything could’ve prepared me. It’s so different for each person. It’s amazing and hard and different all at the same time. Try to set a schedule of time with the Lord because you’ll find yourself getting so busy. Write down goals and things you want to do in the days that remind you of where you once were. Reminiscing is hard but important.”

Australian Beach

After talking with a bunch of friends about Re-entry I decided to read about it (All the links for these articles are below). I did a simple Google search and found some great articles on re-entry and reverse culture shock. I compiled them into a document and then printed it out. Sitting down at a table one evening I highlighted anything that stuck out to me in the first article. One article was enough for one night. I left feeling heavy with what I had just learned. I had realized how difficult and painful it could actually be. But I was very happy I was preparing for it. I was bracing myself for the pain. Eventually, I got through all 15 pages of information. Here are just a few quotes that I highlighted.

“Many times, missionaries’ expectations are so high that they experience high re-entry stress. When you get “home” you may find yourself feeling lonely, isolated, disillusioned, misunderstood, depressed and irritated with people back home as well as with your own culture.” -Missionary Care  

“I am a confusion of cultures. Uniquely me. I think this is good because I can understand the traveller, sojourner, foreigner, the homesickness that comes. I think this is also bad because I cannot be understood by the ordinary, monocultured person. They know not the real meaning of homesickness that hits me now and ten. Sometimes I despair of understanding them. I am an island and a United Nations. Who can recognize either in me but God?” -Alex Graham  

“Coming home is probably the hardest thing you’ve done in your years of service, harder than moving overseas in the first place.”

“God’s purposes for our life are bigger than our own. But he never waists any part of our experiences.” 

“Rest in the fact that He loves your people more than you do. Rest in the fact that He will fulfil His purpose.” 

“You will always straddle two worlds.” -Sarita Hartz  

“Reverse culture shock is experienced when returning to a place that one expects to be home but actually is no longer, is far subtler, and therefore, more difficult to manage than outbound shock precisely because it is unexpected and unanticipated.” -Dean Foster 

“Returning brings a blanket of fog on perception, like an audience member walking around in a setting that’s familiar but still unreal.” -Expatica  

“Re-entry shock is when you feel like you are wearing contact lenses in the wrong eyes. Everything looks almost right.” -Robin Pascoe

Austin, Texas with my boyfriend Noah

Then I actually did it. I left Cambodia. I think the fact that I had been travelling so much leading up to leaving helped. It felt like I was just going on another trip. It didn’t actually feel like I was leaving. In fact, as I was flying into Texas it felt like I was supposed to be flying into Siam Reap. It felt like I was just returning home from a trip to Australia… But I wasn’t! I was in America. I had to keep telling myself that as we drove home from the airport. “I’m in America. I’m in Texas. I’m not in Cambodia!” What made the disorientation worse was the fact that I had my boyfriend beside me. That sounds bad! But, hear me out. The only place that I had ever seen him was in Cambodia. I had only ever seen him in that context. So, seeing him in this new context was strange and new to me. Later, I learned that he was such a help and comfort to me for the same reason that he made the disorientation worse. He was something that was familiar to me in a completely new place. Where everything around me was foreign and strange he was familiar and that was incredibly comforting. In a place where I knew nobody he was somebody that I knew and trusted. I’m a very anxious, stressed and worrisome person, even when I know it’s irrational! Having him by my side helped me so much.

So, what did I struggle with? What was difficult for me, personally? I already mentioned the disorientation. Cambodia almost feels like another world now. It feels so separate to here and now. I think that is because it’s so incredibly different. In Cambodia I was hot, we did our laundry by hand, we took cold showers, I had my family, I went to the market daily, we hosted teams, people spoke Khmer. Here it’s cold, I have a laundry machine, I can take hot showers, I can drink out of the tap, I am by myself, I go to the grocery store, we send teams, people speak English and French. I think I tend to separate the two countries. It almost seems like they exist separately in my mind and not simultaneously. Because of this dissociation, it felt so incredibly weird to be home again. One day we visited my old hometown. It was so exciting and strange at the same time. Everything was slightly off. Some things were the same but other things had changed. So, it didn’t quite feel like Rawdon.

Another thing like that was the people. In my mind, I remembered people like I had left them almost four years ago. So, when I saw kids all grown up, people with new babies or new spouses it felt weird. It felt like I knew them but didn’t at the same time. Don’t get me wrong! I absolutely loved seeing them all again! It was amazing. I almost cried, and a few people did. It was crazy seeing them after all this time. It was really reassuring to see them too.  It made me feel more at home. Sitting in church on Sunday was so cool. Hearing my pastor peach was amazing. I have transported back to four years ago before we left even though we weren’t even in the same building. 

Beautiful Autumn corls in Montreal, Quebec, Canada.

Day two in Australia we went grocery shopping. While we were out and about I wanted to buy some church shoes. I knew things would be more expensive in Australia but there was no way I could buy a pair of shoes for 30$. I just had to walk away. It was too much for that day. I said “Maybe another day. But, I just can’t spend 30$ on a pair of shoes today!” I later bought some black flats that were on sale for 5$. I was so proud of myself! On the other side of that, I had no concept of how much things should cost. Therefore, I spent too much on some things. I knew it sounded expensive, but I just told myself “Things are more expensive here. This is fine. You need this.” Spending money on anything made me stressed. Do I need this? Is this a good price? Can I get it cheaper elsewhere?

I can read and understand everything here! That’s amazing when you’ve been submerged in an environment where everything sounds and looks strange. One thing I found myself doing a lot was reading signs. Noah, my boyfriend, and I would be driving down the road and I would be reading every sign and sometimes I would read them out loud too. It’s not that I wanted to know what they say or that they were important. It’s just that they were there, and I was capable of reading them! Cambodia doesn’t have signs like America does. I don’t think any country does! So, I would just read them because I could. I still do this. I’ve been in an English environment for about a month and a half now. But, I can’t help it.

I found myself getting tired very quickly. That was partly due to jetlag. But, also when everything is new it’s tiring. Your body and brain are constantly taking in new information. I took quite a few naps and slept very soundly at night. I had to know when to say no. Shopping made me very tired too. It overwhelmed my sense. I much prefer to be outside in nature anyway.

I don’t deal the best with new. I’m not the best at stepping out of my comfort zone. But, let me tell you this. Moving across the world is a whole lot of new! Everything is out of my comfort zone and I’m forced into it. I have no choice to go to places I’ve never been and do things I’ve never done. It’s quite overwhelming at times. Overwhelming is the best word I can use to describe the past couple of weeks. It’s a lot to take in, a lot to learn, a lot to do. But, I’m trying to tackle one thing at a time and I’ve surprised myself how well I’ve been dealing with it all. I think I may still be in shock a little. I’m hoping that’ll settle soon and I’ll start feeling at home soon.

The view from an apartment in Cambridge, Ontario, Canada.

My biggest advice for anyone welcoming home a returning missionary would be 1. Listen! Let them talk and listen to them. Ask questions and let them tell stories. 2. Please let them rest! I found myself getting tired quickly when I came back. It’s very tiring and they need to take it slow and rest at first, even if they don’t know that!

Well… that’s my update! That was a lot. I hope that was insightful for you. Until next time,

Darcy-Rea

References

Dealing with Reverse Culture Shock. (2015, April 20). Retrieved from Good Missionary Insurance: https://www.goodmissionaryinsurance.com/blog/news-and-helpful-links/reverse_culture_shock/

Koteskey, R. L. (n.d.). What Missionaries Ought to Know about Re-Entry. Retrieved from Missionary Care: http://www.missionarycare.com/about-reentry-2.html

Reverse Culture Shock: What, When, and How to Cope. (n.d.). Retrieved from Expatica: https://www.expatica.com/nl/moving-to/Moving-home-Reverse-culture-shock_104957.html

Werven, C. V. (n.d.). Being a Missionary at Home. Retrieved from Bible Study Tools: https://www.biblestudytools.com/blogs/jesus-economy/being-a-missionary-at-home.html

What every Missionary Needs to Know about Re-Entry. (2016, February 03). Retrieved from Sarita Hartz: http://www.saritahartz.com/what-every-missionary-needs-to-know-about-reentry/

Young, A. (2015, January 31). Dealing with Reverse Culture Shock. Retrieved from Ministry 127: http://ministry127.com/missions/dealing-with-reverse-culture-shock